Fabio Capello is a superhero

Fabio Capello has to be the ultimate man in football.

I mean, it's one thing to win the league title in the first season of every club you join. It's another thing to have your job back on the line the morning after you deliver Real Madrid its first title in five years. And you know what this man has to say to that?

"I made several misjudgements, but my biggest mistake was not to count on Beckham after he announced he was leaving. Not keeping him in the side was my biggest error."

I mean, how much more man do you want a man to be? He's a champion. Check. He admits to his mistakes. Check. What else is he gonna do? Keep an eye on Gazetta dello Sport, because next week, Capello is gonna end the war in Iraq, find a cure for acute lymphocytic leukimia and return the Earth's geothermal readings back to the way it was in third century BC.

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Ugly and dirty

Barcelona whizkid Leo Messi branded Liverpool "ugly and dirty" after crashing out of Europe this week. The teenager moaned: "They set themselves up very well at the back and by playing ugly and dirty they beat us."

What da heck is wrong with this kid? He's a great footballer and all, but unless someone shuts his filthy mouth up, he's gonna grow up into a sore-losing idiot joke. Before the game he called Liverpool "ugly". Fair enough... now he's calling them "ugly and dirty"? Is this kid serious? An Argentine calling the English dirty? Like, is he out of his effing mind?

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25-yard rocket flew past Dudek

Spoken regarding 17 year old Irish triallist Jamie McCarthy, who impressed Rafa Benitez...

"He made a major impression in a training game by unleashing a 25-yard rocket that flew past Jerzy Dudek"

These days, you can unleash a 25-yard anything and it will fly past Jerzy Dudek.

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Lorenzo Lamas Returns

From Soccernet: Bayern Munich boss Felix Magath does not expect Manchester United target Owen Hargreaves to leave the club during the transfer window. The England international revealed last week that United had tabled a bid reportedly amounting to almost £20million for him as their long-running pursuit gathers pace.

However, asked if he expected any arrivals or departures before the January 31 deadline, Magath told his club's official website, www.fcbayern.de: 'No, I'm assuming we'll go in pursuit of our targets - retaining the league championship and performing well in the Champions League - with the squad we have at the moment.'

Hargreaves is currently recovering from a minor injury as Bayern prepare to resume action against Borussia Dortmund at the weekend after the Bundesliga's winter break.

Hey look, Dallas is back! Or Dynasty! Or Falcon Crest! Or any damn 80s soap that featured hairy chested guys sleeping with then dumping then sleeping with then dumping then sleeping with then dumping then etc. dumb blondes who dump then sleep with then dump then sleep with then dump then sleep with then etc. even more hairy chested guys.

For God's sake, sell the bugger or don't. This is so boring. It's worst than watching static while listening to the new Nickleback album.

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Tales from the Footballing Crypt

Funny how when you are on the top, everything works like ABC. I mean, on his slouchiest day, Ferguson couldn't even get a World Cup winner like Kleberson to pick a ball up properly and walk to the dressing room without falling over a flight of stairs and fracturing his skull. I mean, even a 5-year old could do that properly. And most five year olds have not won a World Cup before. These days, Ferguson can even get a 35-year old on extended holiday at his 'kampung' to come out, have a few days of training and score in a competitive match. It's weird you know? Like deja vu. Like Hocus pocus. Like 'kanasai'.

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Why Oh Why

Capello told FourFourTwo magazine: "I was very close to England. I was asked some time ago, before they chose (Sven-Goran) Eriksson to go for the England job." He claims he did apply for the job and does not know why he was not short-listed. "They didn't choose me. You'll have to ask the people who were there at the Football Association. I wouldn't like to say."

Okay this is just wrong. It's like being offered a Maserati for free and deciding that you want a Proton Tiara instead. I mean, sure, a Maserati costs more to repair and fuel budgets would be a bitch but at least the power windows still work after 5 days on the road.

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CHOOSE ONE

See now, i put before you: England or Europe, domestic or continental, the Premiership or the Champions League. Choose one.

Following Man Utd's fall at the hands of Celtic this midweek, the signs are becoming increasingly ominous for English teams who dare to dream of transcontinental success. It seems like English teams can only choose one: succeed at home at the expense of a faltering campaign in Europe, or go for broke in Europe while everything crumbles at home.

For the past two seasons, that was every bit the trend, with Chelsea wiping the tables and plates clean in the Premiership back to back while their wonky European form persisted. While that was happening, Liverpool and Arsenal took turns to finish fourth in the Premiership, but both scaled the dizzying heights of European glory.

This year, the trend seems to be again at work. The same two, Liverpool and Arsenal, who carried England's flag so well in the Champions League continue to do so, with both teams walking away as group leaders, confirmed of their place in the second round with two games to spare. At home, both teams have been troubled with inconsistency, and are seeing their title hopes fast fade. But they've still got a good shout in Europe.

That's more than what league leaders Man Utd can say about their continental campaign. Their form domestically seems to be nothing short of remarkable, rekindling comparisons to the United of old. But their form on the Europe has been disappointing. After three wins in the group stages, they have lost twice - first to FC Kobenhavn and now to Glasgow Celtic, leaving them the awkward tie with Benfica on Matchday 6, the team who knocked them out last season at the same juncture.

Can an English team succeed in both the Premiership and in Europe in the same season? For the other European giants like Barcelona, Real Madrid, AC Milan and Lyon, performing well in both competitions is their bread and butter. And none of these teams, bar Lyon, have much room to slack off and drop points here and there. But in England, it's always different. In England, something always has to give. Why?

It's been almost a decade since United's very own treble season. While this season's competitions are still midway - and anything can happen yet - it's hard to imagine any English team proving that glory in Europe can come as icing on the cake of domestic success.

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Man, that's quite embarrassing

The first casualty of the Premiership relegation pound fight turns out not to be Glenn Roeder after all. I mean, that says a lot doesn't it? The fact that you manage a team where your first choice centreback is Titus 'Butterfeet' Bramble, and you still have a job couple of weeks before Christmas. All hail the religion of Boumsong, I say. Iain Dowie was given the boot yesterday by Charlton, after only notching one win in 12. The Addicks are anchored at the bottom of the table.

Okay see, what I am thinking is not 'boo hoo poor Iain's out of a jobby'. I'm thinking it's pretty embarrassing for the poor fellow. And not in a 'boo hoo Iain's out of a jobby' kinda way. I mean on one hand you can say it's pretty embarrassing to be sacked in front of an audience of billions. On the other hand, it's even more embarrassing that he did worst than a guy that looked like he was born to be an accounting teacher. I mean look at Iain. He could easily pass off as an evil Bond villain that has a mechanical leg that shoots nuclear missiles.

So what in god's name is happening to the game when the players aren't inspired by a badass that probably role plays as a Gestapo general but are instead inspired by a guy that could probably put a room to sleep just by walking in. It's wrong I tell you. Wrong. Wrong, as in wronging wrong. Wrong.

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Juventus off the bottom

Secawan Bola's fascination with Juve's sojourn through Serie B continues with this little nugget of news: Juventus are no more last place in Serie B.

Juve, Italy's giant club were relegated before the start of the season, and penalised with a 17 point deduction. Hence, the Bianconeri began the season with negative 17 points and firmly anchored to the bottom of Italy's second tier.

But five wins and a draw later, and the Turin giants are officially second-last. This comes as especially ironic news, considering that they are second-last with a total points haul of... negative one.

Who is it then, who is last, with fewer points than negative one? Arezzo. With negative two points. How did that happen? Don't ask us. Italy is a very strange country.

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Boumsong finds home

"Unfortunately, that's maybe the way my career will go. I don't think it's fair but I've learned how to deal with it ... I was the target of the English press when I was playing for Newcastle last season ... It was relentless and stupid. All right, I'm no Beckenbauer but with time I've figured out what I can do and what I can't." - Jean-Alain Boumsong

Right, so everyone has had a good pop at Boumsong in their time - not least of all us at Secawan Bola. And it's nice to see the guy own up to the likelihood that he will never be world class. And perhaps swapping the black and white stripes of Tyneside for that of Serie B's bottom feeder Juventus was always the kind of move that suited Jean-Alain best.

A temporary stint at a big club defending day in day out against pallid opposition ... at Juve, Boumsong may have finally found a club that befits his high profile yet provides his error-prone ways little margin for slip-ups. Or is he really that bad?

Perhaps English football was never his thing. Perhaps he should have stayed in Auxere until a move to the slower-paced Serie A beckoned. Perhaps Philippe Mexes, his partner while in France, was smart to turn down Arsenal and Liverpool and opt for Roma instead. Now, here he is. Boumsong, two seasons of British football later, has warded off being everyone's nightmare defender, survived the harshest ridicule perhaps because Titus Bramble spent more time on the bench, and is a less fun target anyway.

You have to admire his humility - and perhaps in this setup, France's third choice centreback has found his spiritual home. Let's hope Juve get promoted. The world needs Boumsong in top flight action once more.

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Young Player Profie: Nabil El Zhar

Name: Nabil El Zhar
Age: 20
Position: Forward
Club: Liverpool
Country: Morocco

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Nabil El Zhar. As of today, he is a Liverpool reserves player. We could have put up pictures of him standing around the pitch in his new Liverpool jersey but we thought these pictures were more informative.

El Zhar, as you can see, is a guy who likes to get tangled up among opposing defences. You can also see that he's a nippy fella with low centre of gravity. Both pictures above suggest that the guy has pace and knows how to get around defenders.

Mainstream media will back this up - with Wikipedia reporting that his natural playing position is either as a striker or playing in the hole behind the front two, and the bulk of Liverpool sites describing him as a highly determined striker. El Zhar is a French-born Moroccan who has started junior games for both nations. He was part of the Moroccan team that finished 4th in last years World Youth Championships - which figures, because Kop scouts had been watching that tournament closely.

Much remains to be seen of this kid. But the press are starting to get their feelers around him so we thought it was time to dip our fingers into his limited fame. Young French-based players arriving at Liverpool was the hot thing five years ago, and it was a failed policy. As much as there is stuff to suggest raw talent and potential, there is equal measure suggesting problems adapting the british game's brutish lack of charm (look at him!). And while the fan in me would like to see him succeed, the critic in me thinks this is Anthony Le Tallec meets Bruno Cheyrou south of the border. All the best in the Mersey, kid. Please make me eat my words.

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The Return of Stan Collymore

Stan Collymore is trying to pick himself up again.

"A month from today I guarantee I will be able to stand side by side with any striker in the country and my physique will be up there with any of them." - Stan Collymore

Some people will find this laughable, and from a purely footballing perspective, it probably is. But there's something sad about a 35-year-old who was once the country's hottest young striker, thinking at he can still cut it alongside the Henrys, the Rooneys and the Drogbas of the world. And it's not a pathetic "sad" either, it just reminds you of the loss that they've had in their life, and at a non-tabloid level, Stan's desire to return is absolutely heartbreaking.

Of course, he could defy the odds, come back for one or two great seasons and this would become a story of grit, guts and tenacity, but something tells me that he doesn't even need successful seasons to prove that. Sure, it looks every bit like comic tragedy, or tragic comedy, still there's something strangely admirable about a loser who won't let down.

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Missing: Ariel Ortega

Have you seen this man?

His name is Ariel Ortega.

Ortega went missing after his club, River Plate travelled on a 10-hour bus ride from Cordoba, where they drew 1-1 after conceding a pathetic late goal. He didn't show up for training the morning after the bus ride. If you see Ortega, please contact Lost and Found at:

Club Atletico River Plate
Av. Pte. Figueroa Alcorta
7597 CP 1428 Buenos Aires
Tel: (5411) 47891200
www.cariverplate.com.ar
club@cariverplate.com.ar

His fans miss him very much.

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Sepp Blatter is at it again

"When it comes to the World Cup final it is passion, and when it goes to extra time it is a drama. But when it comes to penalty kicks it is a tragedy." - Sepp Blatter.

Sepp Blatter wants to get rid of penalty kicks in the world cup and replace it with the golden goal. Will he never leave football alone? Must he always stick his grubby little fingers into every aspect of the game trying to fix something that isn't broken?

Sepp Blatter, penalties might be a tragedy to you because your old frickin heart can't take it. But the rest of us love it. It's downright dramatic, it absolutely scares the shits out of the fans, it's the most heartbreaking way to lose but it is part of the game. The sooner you wake up and realise this, the sooner you can start paying attention to the real crimes in the sport right now: simulation and bungs. As for penalties, they have been an integral part of the world game since its inception in Euro 76 and you, one senile man, cannot take that away from us. Penalty shootouts have given us so much world cup folklore. It makes heroes out of men. It separates the mentally resilient from the physically able.

Do you wanna know what tragedy is, Mr President Blatter? Tragedy is your lousy golden goal rule which you dug up from under a pile of rotting carcasses and tried to shove into our mouths six years ago. You're just an unhappy old fart with nothing better to do in his time than uglify the beautiful game. Abdicate your throne you good for nothing twat!

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Hammed

To borrow a common and terribly overused phrase - you can take a club out of the Championship but you can't take the Championship out of the club.

West Ham crashed out of Europe last night, with bionic duo Carlos Teves and Javier Mascherano in tow against, Palermo, a side who can only count Aussie Mark Bresciano as probably the most recognizable name in their squad. In other words - there's no more excuses.

The impact of the Argentinian duo has been severely mis-managed by West Ham. There hasn't been any explosive performances from Tevez, who some would rank as perhaps one of the finest players on the globe today. How explosive can you get when you are playing off someone like Carlton Cole?

Even after producing sparkling gems such as Rio Ferdinand, Joe Cole, Michael Carrick and of course, Frank Lampard over the years, most of these players achieved their max potential elsewhere. Now with Tevez and Mascherano, it's like giving the latest O2 PDA/phone to your technologically spastic dad.

It's better for West Ham to purchase like-minded Championship-style working class players who can band and huddle together to grind out a teeth-grazing survival campaign. Now Alan Pardew would be hard-pressed to play the duo even though they appear to not be delivering the goods. Just like how you can't just leave a RM3000 PDA at home even if it's a pain to learn how use it.

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Football is a strange

It was one of those nights when Peter Crouch would score a spectacular bicycle kick and the dimunitive Luis Garcia would head home a classic center forward's goal.

Liverpool, against trend, are the ones who pull 3-0 ahead before suffering an onslaught comeback. Of course, the script would be imperfect, and Galatasaray would never get their third goal.

But the reversals are all there, and the irony alone is a joy to know.

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So sad ...

From Soccernet: MONTEVIDEO, Sept 25 (Reuters) - Former Uruguay striker Dario Silva has had his lower right leg amputated following a car crash, a hospital director said on Monday. Silva suffered an exposed fracture of the leg after the accident on Montevideo's main seafront avenue on Sunday morning, when his pick-up truck collided with a lamp-post. "There was no other solution other than to amputate below the knee," said Mario Cancela, head of the intensive care unit at the private hospital where Silva is being treated.

Silva made 49 appearances for Uruguay between 1995 and 2005, scoring 14 goals, and played at the 2002 World Cup, when Uruguay were knocked out in the first round.
His last international appearance was in the World Cup qualifying playoff at home to Australia last year.

I know I've poked fun at Silva on this blog but really, this is terribly sad news. And of all body parts, it is the one that's most essential to his profession. No snide comments today. Just some empathy.

Cheers mate.

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Skandalooooos

Unless you've been, well, not surfing the net today or checking your favorite football sites in the last day or two, you would know that English football is being hit by quite a major scandal.

And no, it does not just involve some tight-upper lipped suit in some office who you don't know or the janitor's son but some of the mentioned parties include Bolton manager Big Sam and Pompey manager Harry Redknapp.

While it is nowhere in the scale of the scandal that struck Malaysian football some years ago that effectively crippled our national team and sent Malaysian football about 10-years back into the dark ages (and seriously, considering where Malaysian football was at, at the time, it was pretty damn far back), it is certainly a grave concern. Which could in turn result in two managerless Premiership clubs before the season ends.

With the start Pompey's had, you must wonder if this will start mucking around with Harry's dreams of European grandeur. If it did then it would come as no surprise, seeing as little clubs like theirs never do end up ending the season on a romantic note anyways. It's either an injury to their top striker or their boss being accused of tapping up a player. In any case, the powers that be will find something to stuff the little-lings lower on the table so that the big guns can maintain their big-ass sponsorship contracts.

Anyone noticed that Big Sam's suits started getting more and more stylish? Hmmm ...

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Young player profile: Elano Blumer

Name: Elano Blumer
Age: 25
Position: Attacking midfielder
Club: Shaktar Donestk
Country: Brazil

This is Elano Blumer, or as all great Brazilians are better known, just Elano. He's the guy who scored two goals against Argentina in Brazil's 3-0 friendly win recently. Prior to that game, he had only played three times for Brazil, so it's an awesome record for him, especially with the goals coming in an el classico game.

Elano is an attacking right sided midfielder who can also play in the middle. His physical game also means that he has filled the defensive midfield gap at club level. He is right-footed, which when coupled with some rumours that call him "the next Beckham" seems to create for us the picture of a... well, Beckham who tackles hard. The similarities don't end there - Elano is somewhat of a deadball specialist, with freekicks and penalties often falling at his feet. To cap it off, he wore number 7 for Brazil the other day.

While his attributes are merely words to describe till you see him in action, the fact that he wears a fashionable number in the Brazil team hints that manager Dunga rates him as something of a valued first teamer. Strange, considering that up until two weeks ago, the Brazilian team picked itself and this 25 year old was a nobody plying his trade in Ukraine. But Dunga, who knew him from their days in Santos, really does fancy him, and in one interview, referred to Elano as a "key player" in his team. "He's the kind of player who seldom gives the ball away and an example for young players looking for a chance," Dunga said elsewhere.

To add dimension to this young man, Elano possesses a fearsome shot from distance: plough your way through Brazil's and any number of Shaktar Donestk's match reports and count the number of times Elano's name appears in the same sentence as words like "screamer", long-range", "bolt" and "35 yards" and it gives you a deeper understanding of how this guy plays. (Incidentally, you might soon have to plough through AC Milan's match reports too - word on the street says that the Rossoneri are after him!)

But what does it mean for Elano to break into a Brazil midfield already choking with stars? In the game against Argentina, Elano scored both goals after interplay with Robinho and Kaka respectively, suggesting that his inclusion into the midfield compliments rather than unhinges the work of his more illustrious compatriots. After a world cup where Brazil looked lazy and disjointed, this can only be good news for the man they call Elano Blumer.

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From Soccernet: Chelsea's Germany captain Michael Ballack apologised to Liverpool's Mohamed Sissoko on Sunday after he stamped on the Mali midfielder's leg and was sent off during a fiery Premier League match. Ballack was shown the first straight red card of his career by referee Mike Riley for violent conduct six minutes into the second half. He will miss the next three games. The Chelsea midfielder waited outside the Liverpool dressing room to offer his apologies after the game. 'It's a bad situation for me,' a softly spoken Ballack said. 'It is the first straight red in my career. 'I didn't mean to injure him. I've just seen him now and I've said sorry,' he added. 'In the second half these situations can happen. It was bad for me. The team worked very hard after this and we went on to win the game.'

Now that's a man. I've about had it with weenies that claim 'they did not mean to kick that player's balls' or 'I wanted to stretch my neck but I accidentally head-butted the idiot instead'. But Ballack, now he is different. Sure he did not mean to injure but he admitted to stamping.

No copping out, nopes. Sure he was sorry, like how we are sorry when we burned down a block of our school by farting at couple of lit matches. Or how you were sorry about stealing your best bud's girlfriend, but you know, too bad.

I mean, eating all those big meaty German frankies must show somewhere right? And what better way to show it than stamping on an opponent's leg, getting yourself sent off in an important clash with a good half-hour still to go and admitting that you intended to do it at that. Manly, man. Woo hoo.

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